U.S. — Concerned Americans have started a GoFundMe to purchase some clothing for the obviously destitute Sydney Sweeney. With news circulating that the impoverished Sweeney apparently cannot afford ...

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Just days after President Donald Trump vowed to issue every American citizen a $5,000 check if Republicans won the midterms, Democrats countered with their own offer: if they are ...

CHATTANOOGA, TN — Local fatty Mark Thompson spent all of lunch today explaining to family members how obesity is actually a disease. As he polished off an appetizer of a dozen fried sticks of cheese ...

AUSTIN, TX — Local husband Matt Gaines was rushed to the Intensive Care Unit Tuesday evening after attempting a two-minute beginner's yoga video on YouTube. According to witnesses, the incident ...

BRUSSELS — Speaking in Strasbourg, France, on Wednesday, European Commission President Ursula von der Leyen announced that she had deemed Canada weak enough to join the European Union. "Every decision ...

SACRAMENTO, CA — Famously dyslexic Governor Gavin Newsom hosted a press conference today celebrating gas prices in California reaching a new milestone of $1.87. Newsom proudly displayed pictures of ...

Men, if you've been married for any length of time, then you've no doubt fallen prey to a trap question. Women love asking questions they don't want answers to, just so they can start a fight. It's in ...

HEAVEN — In an unbelievable turn of events, a man on his deathbed professed belief in Jesus Christ and secured his Heavenly reward with just 0.4 seconds left on his life clock. After being hit by a ...

GAZA — In a bold act of solidarity, Grammy-winning rapper Macklemore staged a surprise rooftop concert in Gaza on Wednesday, performing his gay anthem "Same Love," before being promptly thrown off the ...

WASHINGTON, D.C. — According to sources, the on-orbit space control weapon revealed on Monday by U.S. military officials was apparently a little triangle that shoots bullets out the front. "This is a ...

NAPERVILLE, IL — Sources confirmed on Wednesday that a local game group's night of playing classic RISK had now entered its fourth week. What began as a joyful bit of nostalgia has now become a ...

RANCHO CUCAMONGA, CA — Local man Jim Crest leaned his back against the wall and marveled at the second fridge in his garage, realizing for the first time that he had finally made it in life. "So this ...